Angel Babies

What Eight Miscarriages Have Taught Me

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“So is he your only one?” I’d nod and wait for the dreaded question. Then it would come: “Are you and your husband going to have any more kids?” Though I’d come to expect it, my heart still skipped a beat. I tried to appear composed and calm as I answered, “Oh, we hope to someday.”

At that point, the inquisitive mom would usually pause, glancing at my preschooler, noticing my smile lines, and calculating my age. I knew she expected an explanation of some sort about why we were waiting. But I had become an expert at changing the subject, quickly pointing out how delicious the appetizers were or noting the pleasant weather.

Highs and Lows. My husband and I were unwilling passengers on the miscarriage roller coaster: the thrill of the positive pregnancy test followed by the devastation of los­ing the baby. Up and down. Up and down. One moment, a new life was growing inside me, and with it all our hopes and dreams for that child. Then in an instant, everything was shattered. Only emptiness and dark­ness remained.

My first pregnancy was not over­shadowed by this dark cloud. Our son…

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